TIMELINE OF YOUR FIRST THREESOME
Haven’t had a threesome yet? Read what to expect in my “Timeline of Your First Threesome” at Madatoms.
A BROKE GUY’S GUIDE TO GIFT-BUYING
Shopping for someone close to you? Sure you are. Want to spend as little money and effort as possible? Of course you do.
Check out my my column at Madatoms for some tips.
HOW YOUR APARTMENT IS COCK-BLOCKING YOU
Think your apartment is cock-blocking you? Find out how in this piece I wrote for the folks at madatoms.com…
I do not like sleeping alone. It’s not because I’m afraid of the dark or worried that my middle school gym teacher, Coach Barkley, is going to break into my apartment one night and finish what he started in that desolate locker room so many years ago. I generally like sharing a bed, and firmly believe that the best sleep I get is when I am just cuddling the shit out of my girlfriend in moves and positions that would be considered too complicated even by MMA standards. I enjoy it so much that even when she’s not around, I am still finding that I do not wake up alone, and I finally have to face that fact that I am now sleeping with my MacBook Pro.
Before the image of me spooning Apple products while I may or may not be crying pervades your mind, let me explain myself. I do not bring my laptop to bed with me in some kind of perverse, technological fetish that offers me sexual gratification. That’s what “alone time” in the bathroom is for. However, I, like so many others of my generation, do not handle silence well, even when it’s 2:43am and it’s supposed to be quiet. So we put the TV on some episode of some show we’ve watched twenty times already and let this lullaby from our LED night light put us under.
My latest short, CALLS FROM DAN, coming to a festival near you (maybe?)…